The Brighter Writer


The Biggest Loser Drinking Game:
The Biggest Boozer

The VERY BEST Biggest Loser Drinking Game: The Biggest Boozer AKA Fat Tuesdays

The Biggest Loser is back, ladies and gentlemen!! It has been 7 long months of waiting since the March finale of season 14. But with our livers well rested, it is finally time for Fat Tuesday to join our family's calendar once again!

It has become a tradition for my husband and I to grab a babysitter, a good bottle of whiskey, and settle in on the couch for what always promises to be some good old fashioned entertainment on the wide screen (pun intended).

The Biggest Loser is a reality television show in which obese contestants compete to lose the highest percentage of weight loss with relation to their starting weight in order to win hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Let me start by saying that I'm not trying to be cynical here. I realize there are few reality shows out there with a healthy plot geared towards inspiring people all over the world to do something genuinely good for themselves. I've been known to shed an empathetic tear when I hear how funnel cakes have devastated people's lives. I feel really happy when each team gets far enough into the show to shed their unnecessarily small sports bras in exchange for the large t-shirt which hides the new and improved saggy skin during their weigh-in. I'm happy when people get the help they need from their "disease" by the creepy doctor guy who has to job of telling everyone on the show they have diabetes.

That being said, my husband and I have chosen to cheer on these large and in-charge contestants in our own way. We don't mean to offend anyone, it's just that this show has seriously gotten so fantastically predictable, that we decided to have a little fun while we watch our favorite trainers crack the whip on their individual groups of heavy weight champions.

So here are the rules for those of you who want to play along. There are 11 of them so you're welcome to mix and match. For instance, throw them in a hat and pick out however many you deem appropriate in correlation to how your day was. Last Tuesday was a pretty good day, I may have only chosen 3 rules to work with. However the Tuesday before that was just awful, I may have chosen 7 or 8 to help deal with the annoyance. If it is the worst Tuesday in the world, I see no harm in playing with all 11 rules. You get the picture.

1. DRINK whenever someone falls off a treadmill

2. DRINK whenever a contestant sheds tears

3. DRINK whenever a trainer sheds tears

4. DRINK for every product placement advertisement for Subway, Sugar-free gum, Jenny-O Turkey, Brita Water Filters, Walgreens etc.

5. DRINK whenever Gillian yells at a someone (trainers and contestants alike)

6. DRINK whenever a former contestant shows up

7. DRINK when a trainer kicks a contestant out of the gym

8. DRINK for every motivational talk between trainer and contestant. (Look for the phrases "I believe in you" "You're an inspiration" "You just have to believe in yourself" etc. Also look for the words journey, pain, dream(s), and accomplish(ment)(s).

9. DRINK every time Alison Sweeney says something is going to change the face/course of the game forever.

10. DRINK anytime a contestant screams/yells/makes strange noises while exercising.

11. DRINK when a contestant blames taking care of everyone else besides him or her self on their lifelong decision to choose deep fried cheesecake instead of movement.

Keep in mind, as the season progresses, the amount of drinking occasions change with the different dynamics of the game. For instance, as the contestants get more familiar with their new gym life, the frequency of someone rolling off the back of the treadmill declines. However, you'll start to see a noticeable incline of grunting montages during the challenges. The game really takes care of evening itself out.

Be safe everyone and as always, drink responsibly.

Oh, you're welcome.